So when my Grandparents ask me what my book is about, it usually goes like this:
grandparent: So what’s your book about?
me: You wouldn’t like it! There’s swearing!
But I can’t imagine the conversation going any other way. I don’t want my grandparents exposed to the word ‘fuck’ written by my hand because it would be too traumatising for all parties involved!
So that is why I tell them that.
But then I noticed that I seem to have an evasive answer for EVERYONE when any type of question relating to my writing arises. Like so:
family friend: So what type of things do you write?
me: Oh, young adult novels. For teenagers.
family friend: What kind of novels? What sorts of stories?
me: Oh. Stuff. You know. Stuff.
family friend: Would my daughter/son like it?
me: Uhm, well, you know. Hmm. Stuff.
Or:
neighbour: So what’s your book called?
me: It’s untitled! Doesn’t have one. And besides, titles are so uhm, you know–like, you get a title and then if you get a book deal, it might have to be changed for the market or something. So it doesn’t have one.
But the thing is, MY BOOK HAS A TITLE. And I like the title! My sister thought it up! It may not stick, but we high-fived over it and I gushed at her about how perfect it was for several days! And yet, when someone asks me what the novel is called or what it is about I get as flustered as I would if someone pointed out my skirt was tucked into the back of my underwear and start babbling like a fool! What is UP with that? I realised if I don’t work to combat this strange affliction, pretty soon all conversations pertaining to my novel are going to go like this:
person: So what’s your novel about?
me: OH MY GOD LOOK BEHIND YOU!
person: [turns] What?!
me: *flees*
But even that wouldn’t be as bad as the time a family friend asked me what I was doing late last year and I couldn’t even tell them I was writing. At least I can do that much now, thank goodness. Still, does anyone else go through this? I am trying to break out of my ‘shell’ a little more so I can be semi-coherent with my responses, but I’ve been finding it kind of hard. In attempting it, I’m also trying to figure out WHY I have this shell in the first place. What is it about artistic/creative endeavours that can inspire such secrecy and toe-scuffing in people?
Anyways, I’ve narrowed down my own toe-scuffing to four primary reasons.
#1 is not wanting to jinx myself. I can’t help it, I’m superstitious!
#2: in the case of fiction, I know I’m not my characters but do the people asking me about my novel know that? Character X might hate their mother, but I don’t!
#3: I’ve always been guarded about my plots, because I guess that is just the way I am.
#4, and probably the biggest, is the general stigma that comes with pursuing a path with less than the usual guarantees (I’m pretty sure every aspiring starving artist knows what I’m talking about here). When I was young, I wanted to be a Big Time Movie Star. In school, when the question of what we all wanted to be when we grew up inevitably arose, I inevitably answered “Big Time Movie Star” and I was almost inevitably asked in return what my BACK UP PLAN was. After a while, you tend to notice no one’s asking the aspiring dental hygienist what their back-up plan is. And I HATE the back-up plan question (in fact, my hate for this question is a blog entry unto itself), I HATE IT SO MUCH that if someone asks me what kind of future I’m trying to carve out for myself, I start anticipating it and do my darndest to head it off. Even if it ends up making me look like a huge dork. Which it usually does. And how.
But I really must get over this because I know there is a middle ground. I can still admit I am writing and talk about my novel in appropriately vague ways that give nothing of it away or jinx anything, thereby satisfying that secretive, toe-scuffing part of myself.
So I will now practice on you all:
It is a contemporary young adult novel.
It’s been called the ‘e’ word.
And it has a title but I’m not saying what it is!
It has a plot too but you’ll hear about none of that at this juncture.
And yes, maybe you would like it if you got the chance to read it, which I hope one day you do!
Unless you are my Grandparents.
In other news, I have slightly altered my blog layout and I like it a lot better. If it lasts 10 minutes, I will know it was one of the better ones. Yay!
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publication date
Monday July 2nd, 2007 @ 7:04am
837 words, 66 sentencesmeta stuff
categories: cracked up to be,discuss,writing
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I was once of the kind of writer who talked all about a project and now I’m more of the vain to just say I’m working on a book or some sort of project. Probably because I had so much stuff go to pot or fall apart mostly by my own self destructive hands is why I’m this way now and was not this way once before. Also I take my writing a lot more serious than I once did also.
Oh I hope I get to read it one day! And I do the exact same thing whenever I’m asked what I’m working on. I think part of it comes from over-shyness, over-humility, over-please-stop-paying-attention-to-me-I-am-delicate-dude. To deflect attention, I sum up the project with a shrug and in such a nonsensical sentence that they find it too weird to ask me to elaborate: “Oh, a girl gets lost in a building—or something.”
But you know, it surely is good sometimes to have that attention, to learn how to spread our word just a little… I just don’t know how to channel the attention so that I don’t feel jinxed/exposed/invaded. So your post has hit home for me, lady.
P.S. I love every one of your blog layouts!
Brian: I think the more seriously we take things, sometimes the more guarded we become about it!
w: AAH! I do that too, the summing up of my work in a nonsensical/very bland/pared down sentence! It’s just so much easier to deflect than admit you have your heart invested in something, isn’t it? There are probably more constructive ways to handle it though, like you said. Learning how to channel. & Thank you. :)
“It’s just so much easier to deflect than admit you have your heart invested in something, isn’t it?” — Definitely!
Your post hit home. Last year I went to the Surrey conference and it was the first time I publicly admitted I was a writer. :)
Shari, I’m torn because I’m happy I’m not alone in having this experience but I’m sad that we all have to be so bashful and insecure about our writing! :) That’s fantastic though, about going to Surrey conference and admitting it. I hope it’s one of those things that gets easier with time! Have you found, in a year that it’s easier to say out loud?? Or is there still much toe scuffing for you?