Me: I just took 300 photographs.
Innocent Bystander: 300?!
Me: Yeah! And the memory card wasn’t even full yet, I just got bored of pushing the remote button.
Innocent Bystander: Wow.
Me: Anyway, the point is, if one of these is not an author photo, I will cry.
30 minutes later
Innocent Bystander: How goes it?
Me: I am down to 100 photos now.
Innocent Bystander: Huh.
15 minutes later
Innocent Bystander: Progress update, please.
Me: Uhm, less than 20 photos. I have to see if I can edit them nice…
30 minutes later
Innocent Bystander: I can’t help but notice that you are a crying.
Me: Where is the point-and-shoot.
20 minutes later
Me: This is ridiculous. I look better on this little 5 mega-pixel point-and-shoot than I do on my D80.
Innocent Bystander: Stop dissing my camera.
Me: Maybe I have digital camera intimidation. Like, I just freeze up and get tense-face whenever that sexy D80 sets its sight upon me.
Innocent Bystander: Surely that is it.
Me: I am going to load these onto the computer now.
Innocent Bystander: Good luck with that.
5 minutes later
Me: I hate these too.
Innocent Bystander: They’re not as bad as you think they are. You just have to learn to RELAX in front of the camera.
Me: I THOUGHT I WAS!
10 sulky minutes later
Innocent Bystander: I bet those 300 photos you took to start with were fine. You know what you should do? Look at your picture like you’d look at someone else’s and you won’t be so critical of them.
Me: I would be even MORE critical.
Innocent Bystander: Why?
Me: I’m secretly a very judgmental person.
Innocent Bystander: …
Me: Every time you move, I am judging you.
10 minutes later
Me: I am just going to find a public domain picture of a whale shark and ask if I can use that as an author photo instead.
Innocent Bystander: You are ridiculous.
Me: Imagine picking up a book and thinking it was written by a whale shark, heh.
Innocent Bystander: Maybe tomorrow will yield better results.
Me: Hee hee hee.
Me: Wouldn’t that be hilarious?
Innocent Bystander: It’s not that funny.
Me: ‘Look, that whale shark wrote a book!’
~*FIN*~
I am going to win this thing. I swear.
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publication date
Tuesday April 29th, 2008 @ 4:46am
371 words, 49 sentencesmeta stuff
categories: cracked up to be,personal,photog
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You will win! You won’t have to be a whale shark!
“Every time you move, I am judging you.” Oh my. This made me chuckle.
Okay now sweetie, if you weren’t taking your pics in .RAW format. Now do so for future photoshoots.
Upload a couple of them in a private album on Flickr let me choose a couple, send them to me in their original .RAW format and I’ll edit them like magic in Adobe Lightroom and you will LOVE them.
Hello? Ever heard of photoshop? Pick a celeb who looks like you, put it on the body of some hot supermodle, play with the filters and BOOM.
Instant Author Photo.
That’s my plan, anyway.
I should probably learn to spell though, before writing any text to go with said photo…*groans*
Man, you are HILARIOUS. I share your goddammit-this-camera-makes-me-look-foogly frustration. (Plz to be seeing the total lack of actual, non-bullshitty self-portraiture of any kind on my website, haha.)
P.S. I think for now you’re going to have to move my site out of the ‘authors’ section, as it… contains no actual writing that is mine. Woe.
Nova: After today’s photo shoot, I am not so sure!
Vero: First I have to take a picture I’d be willing to let anyone to see to work with! I do not want to blind you. Thank you for the author. I might take you up on it. If I can just take ONE good photo! :)
Angela: See, I never would’ve noticed the typo if you had not pointed out. ;) Also… your plan sounds perfect. Why did I not think of that!
A: I am glad there is some joy in it because omg I am not having any fun. CRY. OFRAVENS LOOKS SO GORGEOUS. I am getting my site redesigned, I’ll overhaul the links section accordingly… (though you’re a writer as far as I am concerned, darnit).
God that made me laugh
Where are these alleged photos? Why cannot we, your trusted readers be the judge?
Briony: I’m glad. You crack me up enough, it’s about time I paid you back. :)
Susan: Believe me, it is better this way!!
omg! haha. I LOVED the secretly judging part. hahaha. Nice.
i shouldn’t be proud of it, but i am!!
what on earth would you do without the internets to talk about your problems?
probably just email you and tristan incessantly with them! mwahahahahah!