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courtneycracked up to be, movies, vlog

Oh, what a day Thursday was.

What A Day, Indeed.

Thursday was partly A Day because the first pass pages for Cracked Up to Be came in the mail! First pass pages mean I got to see the book as a book without it being an actual book. Like, I got to see the font, chapter headings–the layout, basically–unbound and on normal sized paper. It was so cool. First pass pages also meant I had to read Cracked Up to Be AGAIN, for the thousandth time since I wrote it. I thought it would be the same as it always is, but it was so weird this time.

This is going to sound so stupid but THE LAYOUT CHANGED EVERYTHING. The characters, the dialogue, the narration–everything. But in a good way. But it was surprising. I am continually shocked that I wrote a character in first person present tense who has fooled me in the same ways I hope she fools everyone else. And then some. Also embarrassed.

Way to know your protagonist, Courtney.

Anyway.

So does anyone want to tell me what I should vlog about? Consider this an informal poll about what I should vlog about because I am really beginning to hate my Flip Video. Every time I push the record button I curl up into fetal position and cry because I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO VLOG ABOUT.

I guess I could vlog myself curling up into fetal position and crying, but that would probably be awkward for everyone. Maybe I will do a parody of A&E’s Intervention, where instead of being on the drugs, I am on the Smucker’s Sundae Syrup, WHICH I AM. My God, that stuff is good on Saltines. Yes, Saltines. Do you know how I came to this most miraculous discovery since dinosaurs. I was eating Smucker’s Sundae Syrup by the spoonful and then my eyes befell a jar of Saltines. And then I was like. Hmm. And then the next thing I knew, I WAS CRUSHING SALTINES IN CHOCOLATE SMUCKER’S SYRUP AND SNORTING THEM UP MY NOSE.

And then I discovered they tasted much better uncrushed in my mouth. Mmm.

So I watched the BBC’s Pride & Prejudice with my grandmother and it’s SO SLOW to start with but by the middle I was all like TEE HEE BLUSH BLUSH SWOON SWOON OH MR. DARCY TAKE MEH NOW. Although I don’t know why the BBC could show Colin Firth all WET multiple times and that’s okay and yet they FREEZE FRAME ON THE ENDING KISS. That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. I was like, hello. 6 hours and five hundred uncut dance segments later, I deserve to see a little tongue action. Jeeze. I also think Colin Firth overdid the glaring just a little bit. Like, if he was holding a butcher knife it would’ve made a little more sense sometimes. And Jane was CLEARLY not the prettier sister. And also what would you do if you were a chick in the 1800s and you couldn’t sing, play the piano, embroider or speak French? Who would love you?

NO ONE, that’s who.

Holy Capitals for Emphasis, Batman.

Also, I really think someone should make a Pride & Prejudice fanvid of Colin Firth’s Mr. Darcy to Tom Jones’s Sex Bomb because THAT WOULD BE HILARIOUS. I have given it a lot of thought for some reason. Like, it haunts my dreams. I am secretly envisioning it my head and basically it goes like this:

Tom Jones is all SEX BOMB, SEX BOMB, YOU’RE A SEX BOMB and Colin Firth is like, *glares* and then Tom Jones is all MAKE ME EXPLODE ALTHOUGH YOU KNOW THE ROUTE TO GO TO SEX MEH SLOW and Colin Firth is like, *glares* and then Tom Jones is all OH BABY SEX BOMB SEX BOMB and Colin Firth is like, *glares*.

HOW AMAZING WOULD THAT BE. I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.

Seriously someone make this for me.