The What Lady Gaga Song Are You? quiz on Facebook revealed I was THE FAME, which means that I am obsessed with celebrity and material things, like designer bags. And while it’s true I sometimes like to OD on Ohnotheydidnt and I do like having things, my materialism is largely driven by music, movies and books. These are the things I love to own and actively buy.
I don’t really care, however, about clothes or designer labels. I think the outfit I am wearing right now actively reflects this and because you cannot see it, it’s a sparkly pink housecoat. And I think it’s from Walmart. I have never felt compelled to be like, fashionable (this is is my first obstacle in becoming Lady Gaga’s BFF, obviously) and fashion in general and designer labels simply do not interest me.
I WANT A PAIR OF RAY-BAN WAYFARERS, YOU GUYS.
Look at these sunglasses:
Earlier this week, I declared it my goal to be known as “the YA author with the Ray-ban Wayfarers.” I foolishly thought a pair of these sunglasses could be no more than like, twelve dollars because 1) Ray-ban is a brand I have heard of which instantly means it can’t be like, I don’t know. Super expensive? Because that is the way my mind works. If I know a brand exists and say its name out loud, it instantly loses some of its monetary worth. This is why I can’t properly pronounce Louis Vuitton’s name. If I ever say it out loud correctly, the stock goes down, you guys. And also, I don’t know… they are SUNGLASSES? Sunglasses everywhere should be no more than twelve dollars? If they are anymore than that–say in the $200-$500 range–they cease to become sunglasses in my mind. They then proceed to become jokes.
But look at those sunglasses, you guys. ROY ORBISON wore them. Look at Roy Orbison:
IDK if those are Ray-Bans but we all know he wore them. ANYWAY, I love Roy Orbison so much. Have I ever told you about the novel I started that was basically an ode to Roy Orbison? That’s not a joke. I actually started that novel and then put it aside. It’s like, 100 pages. 80 of them are about Roy Orbison. Nothing gets me like his voice and his songs and in my opinion, there aren’t enough novels that are poorly disguised tributes to either. Taken from us too soon. RIP Roy. It is a crime you’re not still singing. I LOVE YOU, ROY.
Anyway, HE had Ray-ban Wayfarers.
But I don’t.
And I want them.
Anyway, the point of this entry is I will never be cool.
PS Also, I assume these are Ray-Bans:
PPS Do you think it is a coincidence that RPATTZ did not look NEARLY as hot in all the scenes in Twilight he WASN’T wearing possible Ray-Bans in?
PPPS It’s not.