Here are the fruits of my Saturday.

Zombiederota by Courtney Summers*
based on Desiderata by Max Ehrmann**

Go cautiously amid the carnage and the waste
and remember what safety there may be in remote areas

As much as possible, be amiable
make friends with all survivors
don’t speak your survival plan loudly and boastfully
but do listen to others’ plans
even to the dumb and moronic ones;
they might know something you don’t.
Avoid deceased, reanimated persons;
they are a danger to the brain.

If you flee with faster runners
you may become a breathless liability
for always there will be better and faster runners than yourself
maintain your pace and make friends with the slow
view the casualties as part of your plan
Take pride in your firearm, however small;
it is a necessary weapon in these uncertain times.

Be careful in abandoned buildings,
for they are never truly abandoned.
But let this not prevent you from exploring;
get only what you need–nothing more, nothing less
now is not the time to be a hero.
Be adaptable. Especially do not be overconfident.
Neither be despairing about your odds,
for in the face of all zombies and one exit,
you can always sacrifice your aforementioned slow friends.

Pay attention to the advice of your elders
and then use them as decoys while they’re prattling on,
Or to sheild you in a sudden onslaught.
Do not get carried away with grim fantasies,
Your reality is grim enough as it is.

Maintain a healthy respect for your own life
and don’t sweat the small–ahem–sacrifices you’ve made along the way.
You are a child of a zombie infested wasteland
if you’re no less than the fast and the capable
you have a right to endure.
And whether or not you think otherwise,
no doubt your universe is collapsing as it should.

Therefore be at peace with that hottie over there,
it could be the last time you get some.
And however well-thought out your survival plan,
prepare for the unexpected
and always carry a fresh pair of underwear.

With all its shambling decayed and rotting corpses,
this is as good as it’s going to get.
Be satisfied. Strive to be uneaten.

* with thanks to my mom and sister
** and apologies to Max ~*~