I’m giving away the first of four ARCs of SGA very soon. This particular giveaway will be on Facebook only. International entries are welcome. Future giveaways will be US & CAN only, so if you’re anywhere else in the world and want the book, you might want to get in on this! What you need to do: add the Facebook fan page and await further instruction. Further instruction will come via a message in your Facebook inboxes next week (please note, I’ve no intention of spamming you with messages every time one of my novels sneezes–only when I am doing exclusive Facebook giveaways). Also, the Some Girls Are GoodReads giveaway (20 copies available!) ends in nine days.
The rockin’ Colleen Mondor of Chasing Ray has a great blog post about mean girls in YA lit. That is a topic that is relevant to my interests! She asked: Does teen literature exaggerate the mean girl phenomena too much? If aliens landed on earth and read teen lit (oh my) would they expect to find mini Cordelias wreaking havoc on every high school across America? Are they so prevalent because it just easier to write about mean girls then nice ones? Is teen lit reflecting what is real in this instance or propagating an unfair femail stereotype?
Beth Kephart, Neesha Meminger, Margo Rabb and many other awesome authors weighed in and the ensuing discussion in the comments is good stuff. After I took it all in, I thought, God, I wanna talk about writing Some Girls Are and why I chose mean girls for my next novel, but I don’t know where to begin.
I’m still not sure where to begin, but when has this stopped me from doing anything? Never!
I think mean girl lit is booming not because it’s easier to write about mean girls (it’s so not easier to write about mean girls, in my experience!), but because girl aggression and bullying has and, unfortunately, may always be pretty prevalent in our society (while I was writing Some Girls Are, my friends would often forward me horrifying news stories about girl-bullying). I think mean girls are so very much a part of popular culture now because we’re very eager to see our reality reflected in fiction, to find some understanding in our experiences and to feel less alone.
Some Girls Are is a story about one particular group of really, really horrible girls who abuse their status in high school and treat each other like complete and utter shit while they do it. I had no intention to proselytize about the horrors of girl-bullying nor to glamorize it. Though redemption plays a role in Regina’s story, I wouldn’t consider it a mean-girl-gone-good type novel. I feel Some Girls Are is about desperate attempts at self-preservation in an increasingly hostile environment.
At the same time, I also prefer people to draw their own conclusions about what I put out there, so maybe someone will argue everything I just said and insist that it proselytizes, glamorizes girl-bullying and is a redemption story. So maybe the most I can say about my own book is that it is definitely about mean girls.
EITHER WAY. Why mean girls? I guess they’re trending, but I don’t write to trends, I write what interests me. Mean girls have always fascinated me and I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing the girl-bullying I perpetrated and experienced in my school days. One thing that constantly amazes me is how fresh that pain and humiliation feels after all these years in a way a lot of other, crappier experiences I’ve gone through just… don’t. That I haven’t gone through that kind of emotional warfare and manipulation in my relationships with girls since I left school gives me further pause.
When I was in school, I was very codependent and afraid to be alone. The only way for me to offset that anxiety was to attach myself to people, other girls. I never quite made the connections I wanted to because I wasn’t coming from a very sincere place, but I didn’t care because anything was better than being left alone. I also happened to be one of those girls there was nothing to be gained by knowing and I knew this made me expendable. It’s strange to, at a very young age, know you’re expendable without fully understanding why. My expendability made me feel threatened and so I would strategize a lot to ensure my positioning within my clique without even considering what I was doing as strategizing. I worked hard at working my way up with the kind of mathematical precision that amazes me in hindsight because the LAST thing I am is mathematically precise.
I eventually managed to become very close to a power player. I enjoyed that position a little too much. And after it all blew up in my face (inevitable), I found myself living my nightmare: I was isolated, alone. A fate worse than death. I was teased and degraded in those subtle, underhanded ways girls often bully each other. Despite the role I played in my own downfall, I was hurt, betrayed and ANGRY. And I had little to no understanding of why this stuff was happening.
Well, I knew why but not, y’know, WHY.
And can I just say, my anger was magnificant! And yet, for as angry and betrayed and demeaned as I was, I was also convinced I COULD NOT LIVE without these very same girls. So I was in this place of HATING THEM while shuffling up to them with my head down and begging for their forgiveness at regular intervals. Not pretty.
They did eventually forgive me. Somehow, being around this group of people who knew how to use my deepest, darkest fears and secrets against me was better than spending recess alone (yeah, again–WHY?!). I spent the rest of my school days terrified of my BFFs. I worried horribly about making one misstep and was constantly bracing myself for a fall. I became a constant apologizer, just in case. I frustrated my friends by asking them repeatedly if they were mad at me, because I never wanted to be surprised like that again.
It wouldn’t be until much later that I realized my perspective on my girl-bullying experiences evolved and became distorted during and after the time they occurred. I felt so victimized that I could not remember a time I was terrible. I honestly couldn’t. The contempt I had for my old friends was fierce and the self-aggrandizing self-pity I had for myself was truly a thing to behold. This bitterness it left with me motivated me in weird ways (“I will show them all!”) and gave me a weird sense of entitlement I can’t totally describe.
Anyway, then one night, years later, I found an old tin of passed notes from my school days, between me and those girls. And, wow. There it was in my own handwriting, something that I couldn’t deny–
I was awful.
I can still remember that cringing, red-faced, stomach-sinking feeling of seeing JUST HOW AWFUL I WAS to my friends. It was a… humbling moment to say the least.
It was also a turning point.
From that point on, I was obsessed with my own experiences, my awfulness, the really bizarre dynamic I had with my friends, and desperate to shed some light on what I had gone through. I realized that as I was going through it at the time, I was desperate for someone else to do the same. I basically felt (and still feel) this all-encompassing need to acknowledge it and talk about it and find out if I wasn’t alone. I would begin exploring my experiences through storytelling. First I took photographs:
And then, eventually I wrote a book.
Again, to touch on one of the questions in Colleen’s post, I think we’re very eager to see our reality reflected back at us in fiction. At least, I know I was (and am) and that’s what motivates me to write today. As a girl who bullied and was bullied, I was very hungry to see the truth of what I went through in art, in entertainment. And to be honest, I never quite found what I was looking for. There are lots of books out there about overcoming, to be sure, books about making sense of that kind of trauma, but I was more interested in books that drew back the curtains and showed how truly awful it was and could be in school. For me, it was not so much about finding answers, it was about finding out if people had the same questions. I wanted books that stepped back and said, “Hey! This is kinda really fucked up, isn’t it?”
Because–as a teen–I honestly did NOT want to be assured that I could overcome, weird as that might sound. I just wanted to be assured the uglyness was there because knowing other people knew it was there made me feel better. So anyway, that was my reality. I wanted and needed to put it out there some way,aAnd that is ultimately why I wrote Some Girls Are, why I chose to write about mean girls.
… AND I GUESS I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.
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publication date
Thursday November 5th, 2009 @ 7:07pm
1554 words, 99 sentencesmeta stuff
categories: Featured, personal, some girls are (your mom)
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Comments (45)
You. Are. Amazing.
^ omg. <3 <3 <3 <3
I love this post. I cringe when I think back on some of my hs girl friendships. I didn’t trust those girls farther than I could throw them, and I was always plotting ways to make myself necessary. I took on the role of group confidant–but I think it was as much or more about knowing everyone’s secrets as it was about wanting to help. It floors me, remembering how much insincerity and casual backstabbing existed between supposed friends. God, it makes me so grateful for my girl friends now!
You = my hero.
Seriously.
No, SERIOUSLY.
Jess, thank you! And thank you for commenting. I know exactly what you mean about making yourself necessary–and how much those past experiences make you grateful for your gfs now!!! I love the friendships I have with girls now–can’t imagine life w/o them. I like to think that all that horribleness was in part, growing toward that.
Victoria: omg!!! cut that out. but seriously, thank you. <3
I will never forget being told I needed to tell another girl she was “out” publicly so I could be truly “in”. It’s a low point for me, I had just started high school and wanted to reinvent myself. Instead I lost my decency. Shortly after my parents separated, the first in my smallish town, and I found myself hanging on a ledge all by my lonesome. I learned the harsh truth about girls early on and it influences me until this day. I am still not great with letting people in, trust or allowing myself to rely on people. But I have held myself to pretty great standards ever since that day.
A few years later I talked to that “out” girl and apologised for my actions. She was remarkably good about it, she rationalised it by saying she’d done it to some girl beforehand and karma had bit her on the ass. It still didn’t make me feel better. Out of the blue last year she contacted me via facebook and invited me to her wedding – it was a great day.
Thanks for writing this fantastic book Courtney and your own tales of girl-nastiness. I was thinking of handing it to one of my year eight girls and seeing their response. I suspect she will love it as much as I have. Mwah.
Adele: It’s sort of incredible the things that girls put each other up to, force to do and what they’re willing to do, isn’t it? I did things I’m not proud of in the name of acceptance. It can be hard to get over those kind of experiences (I think my own have also left me w/some lingering issues), but they are also strengthening–learning to treat people as you want to be treated. Thank you for commenting. I think it’s awesome and brave that you apologized and i think it’s interesting that she brought up the karma issue. I think it’s WONDERFUL that she invited you to her wedding! Thank you for reading the book, wifey. :) It means a lot that you liked it and that you’re considering it for one of your girls to read. :)
Thanks for sharing this. After reading your work (CUTB and the first and second chapters of SGA), I am always left sort of flabbergasted that you wrote them. Of course I don’t know you in real life, but online you have such a fun, sunny personality and I have to wonder, even with the best of imaginations, how you could delve so deep into the lives of such – in some cases – awful people.
I graduated from high school 12 years ago (sigh), and I still remember some of the completely awful things that were said and done by people of the “in” crowd, who also happened to be the group I hung out with every weekend. I’m not proud that there are several instances where even though I wasn’t participating in the mental bullying, I didn’t speak out against something I knew was wrong so I could save face in the group. At the time, I remember thinking those mean girls would always have it all. It’s funny – with all these social networking sites, I’m able to see that things turned out so differently than I thought they would. We’re 30 now, and it kind of sounds like a cliche, but the losers, freaks, geeks – whatever you want to call them – are so winning at life.
Oh man, this post makes me think so many things… Eeek.
- Part of why I really liked CUTB even though I don’t generally like the mean girl genre at all (and why I’m so psyched for SGA!)is because it didn’t glamorize the idea of being the alpha girl. As mean as Parker was, it was a story about how she got that way and it made sense that she was that way, and it wasn’t something to aspire to.
- I really wonder if my own completely weirdo high school existences are why I don’t read much contemporary stuff and am much more drawn to sf/f. Hmmm. There wasn’t really a lot of bullying or cliqueishness in my school (that I was aware of); I never felt bullied or that I had to find a way to belong with my equally-weird friends. So I rarely see myself reflected in contemporary stuff and I rarely identify with the characters on either side.
- I definitely had that moment of horror when I realized what a terrible thing I’d done without knowing it, years later when the girl I’d hurt told me. It was awful and I hope she forgives me; I don’t remember saying it, but I believe that I did and that it was horrible for her and that I sucked. But I also had the flip side, when I realized that one of my best friends was doing something (probably not intentionally, but super, SUPER consistently) that made me feel horrible, and she knew it, and it completely undermined my confidence in a lot of ways.
I’m really glad to be out of high school.
And that is enough of me babbling in your comments. :)
Now I dimly understand some of what my wife had been trying to explain to me. The following statement struck me as particularly revealing.
“Because–as a teen–I honestly did NOT want to be assured that I could overcome, weird as that might sound. I just wanted to be assured the uglyness was there because knowing other people knew it was there made me feel better.”
Thanks for the insight.
Brandy: Thank you for reading an commenting. :) I am pretty sure those experience shaped my interest in writing about (sometimes) awful people. I am left with so many questions about that time, even being beyond that time now and that person, that the best places for me to put them are in fiction. And I totally have done that not-speaking-up-for-fear-of-losing face. It’s amazing how many people have the same experiences. And that doesn’t sound cliche! Funny how time works. :)
Becky: Pfft! You did not babble! I love your comment. I’m glad Parker’s positioning didn’t come off as ~glam~ to you. That is a relief to me. You totally want to start a poll though–”How did your high school experience influence your reading tastes?” I’ve often met girls who were surrounded by that cliquishness or weren’t… I think location has a lot to do with it too, sometimes. I lived in a super small town. That moment of horror… nothing like it. :/ But I think there is ultimately power or positives in having it.
Charles: Thanks for commenting and reading! :)
You should write about/like/you know what I mean/this more often, girl. It’s good to hear. You know?
You are fabulous! Love, love, love SGA. It’s so intense and so powerful, and based on my own pretty wretched high school experiences with mean girls, so real. I’m glad you wrote it!
I thought about these things the whole time you were writing SGA, and then again while I READ it. My HS had too many other tensions to allow the girls to become such high ranking characters, but it WAS there.
I played a role during specific instances as far back as elementary school, then middle school, and once even in college. I am ASHAMED. I think the times I played bully hurt more deeply NOW than when I was the victim.
I can’t offer a better commentary on WHY this happens than to say: READ SOME GIRLS ARE.
A: <3
suzie: YOU are fabulous. I am still thrilled you didn’t hate it when you read it. :) Thank you for all the kind words about it!!
Emily: aw, bb, thank you for commenting (and for the endorsement :) ). It is scary how far back these incidents can occur! Mine was middle school. It was AWFUL. I was like… how can we be this young and know how to do this to each other?!!! HOW?!
I remember this stuff from much farther back, and from a very different perspective. Those girls tormented me, a nobody boy, and yet were so alluring, like they were made of glass, fragile and sharp. I was very low in the pecking order, but that made me no less cruel myself. The things I said behind their backs, just loud enough to be sure it would get back to them. Awful.
It amazes me to look back and think about how mean we all were, yet how much we needed each other. We lurched along in this strange razor balance, and the thing that stands out now is that no matter where we were in the hierarchy, the one thing we shared in common was fear. We were all desperate to be seen and heard and felt, and yet terrified of being, well, ~found out~. Look, but not too deeply; touch, but don’t feel; know, but understand nothing.
These stories are important for us to share, no matter how old we are. Those memories can remain fresh and painful and enticing for all our lives. Sometimes I feel that if I could have one wish, I would wish for the ability to go back to 1981 and say I’m sorry. Instead I try to learn and understand, and to help my own kids through this harrowing, exhilarating time in their own lives. I’ll do my best, and feel grateful for folks like you who tell these stories so fabulously well.
i can totally relate…when i was reading ’some girls are’ i was so uncomfortable thinking of how much i used to be like regina. and courtney your experience feels very familiar also. how i would position myself next to the queen bee and do anything to stay there. i was, quite frankly, a horrible person. my friends and i wrote a ‘burn book’, long before the movie mean girls came out, and when i looked through it a couple of years after high school i felt so ashamed.
but thankfully, and for reasons i’m still not exactly sure of, in my last year of high school i realised that it was all bullshit and pulled away from all that stuff.
but i feel like that’s why your books are so important. they so beautifully portray the complicated adolescent friendships girls have. you get it so perfectly it is both a joy and horror to read.
: )
Amazing post Courtney. Thanks for sharing and for writing the books too.
Bill: THIS–We lurched along in this strange razor balance, and the thing that stands out now is that no matter where we were in the hierarchy, the one thing we shared in common was fear. We were all desperate to be seen and heard and felt, and yet terrified of being, well, ~found out~. Look, but not too deeply; touch, but don’t feel; know, but understand nothing. That’s brilliant and you hit the nail on the head. And I feel grateful for folks like you, for this: I try to learn and understand, and to help my own kids through this harrowing, exhilarating time in their own lives. And yes I realize I just quoted 99% of your comment back at you BUT IT WAS JUST THAT AWESOME, ok.
sonja: ooh, burn books. our group had something like those too. isn’t it amazing (I don’t know if amazing is the right word) how universal girl-bullying/aggression is? those experience? I am glad you managed to pull yourself away! that can be hard to do in a school environment, when everything seems so volatile and ready to burst. & thank you so much for saying that, man. that means a lot!!! ~*~
Alexa: thank you for reading and for commenting. I really appreciate it. :)
Courts, this is a GREAT post. Thank you for being honest and brave. I’m thinking back now to a lot of your photography, some of which I own (Living Dolls, hey-yo) and seeing it in a new light. And, of course, the books.
This comment thread is *fascinating*.
I’ve so rarely seen anything from the mean girl/bully’s perspective that showed all the complex emotions of that place. Before reading Courtney’s books, I’m not sure I would’ve understood it at all.
It’s so intriguing that so many of you lovely people were on the mean side sometimes. I was one of those awful creatures who was bullied a lot and could never figure out WHY people were doing that to me. I was just lost about it. Eventually I just found my own way with dance and theater and learned not to care so much.
HA. *tried* not to care so much. Considering I write YA, I’d say those wounds are still there some–even though I’m thrilled with how my life is turning out now, in spite of them all.
Brave, honest and soulful girl.
Hugs & admiration!
Dawn
I’m in high school right now & I can vouch for the fact that this sort of stuff goes on.
The one thing about mean girl literature that irks me just a little is the portrayal of popularity. In my experience – and this could be totally different for others – the girls who create drama and wear a smirk with expensive clothes are not necessarily popular outside of their own social circles. They’re just rich and selfish, and the “normals” have fun laughing at them for their dramatics and selfishness. No one’s really in awe of them, although they may think so – for instance, I never understood the scene in Mean Girls where they quote normals saying how they adore Regina George and when she wore this they wore it too, and so on. I have NEVER seen an example or a hint of that in my school, even from the most insecure, shy girls. (For the record, I love that movie.)
To give a first-hand example, last year a girl in the rich-selfish social circle came to school drunk and ended up getting busted by a teacher. The news spread quickly because of her “high status” – I like that term better than popularity, since popularity denotes affection – but what happened? No normals cared; we were just in awe of her stupidity. If anything, the rich-selfish are hated universally. There is no queen bee ruling the school and I haven’t even seen examples of queen bees within social circles.
My thinking is that MOST of this drama, this backstabbing, this undeniable girl-on-girl abuse, occurs within groups from every level of social status, the groups whose collective maturity isn’t quite high enough to avoid drama. And then there’s the girls who just exude drama fumes; for instance, my (fluid, non-cliquey) group of friends has been generally together since 6th grade, and we never experienced drama until 10th grade, when a certain girl from another state came in and caused all sorts of terrible things to happen.
Once again, this is just my high school. It’s a public school with 1800 kids from every walk of life, so I can’t say I think we’re unusual. But I’m sure queen bees like the ones in literature exist, or they wouldn’t be so prevalent in literature. I just wanted to add my side of the story. I loved your post, Courtney – you are amazing and I related to your experiences. Sorry for writing this essay, LOL.
I love getting this insight into why you wrote this book, Courtney.
I was talking to a friend recently about high school and mean girls and whatnot. It’s weird, for me, looking back and finally having enough clarity to know that for some people, I was *their* mean girl. I was always paying so much attention to what other people were doing to me, that I didn’t really consider what I was doing to others. So, so bizarre.
Wow! There’s a whole lot of truth in there, because even if you were bullied by mean girls, chances are you did it yourself to someone else at least once. Sure, there were those girls that were super horrible (and were still that way after HS and at the 10 year reunion), but most fell into the occasional burst of horribleness category.
I was on the receiving end of several mean girls incidents. Many times they were for no particular reason that I could figure out. It’s like there was just an aggression or anger that needed to come out, and it was a sort of Russian Roulette to see who would blow up at whom on what day. Or they’d notice the smallest thing, which was always something you were ashamed of, and just kill you with it.
There are a few really specific incidents that are so vivid it’s like they happened recently instead of many years ago. After one of them, I didn’t play anymore unless it was for self preservation. I left groups of friends when I needed to and hung out with other people. By senior year, there were few people that I wasn’t able to at least say hi to in the halls or talk to in class, even if they didn’t like me. I just didn’t care and wasn’t playing anymore. Life was a whole lot easier, even if there were still games to be played, and I stood up to some girls that were bullying one of my friends.
I know exactly what you mean by this, “It’s strange to, at a very young age, know you’re expendable without fully understanding why. My expendability made me feel threatened and so I would strategize a lot to ensure my positioning within my clique without even considering what I was doing as strategizing. I worked hard at working my way up with the kind of mathematical precision that amazes me in hindsight because the LAST thing I am is mathematically precise.”
There was a lot of strategizing, even subconsciously just to survive. If you ever figure out the whole mean girls thing, let me know. I think it would be interesting to know how it all works deep down.
One thing’s for sure. I’m glad I’m not in HS anymore!!!
P.S. The book cover people should totally have used one of those photos. I know that would probably have involved breaking, like, eleven million copyright rules, and I heart the BLEEDING LOCKER OF DOOM, but still.
whitney: aw, bb. no words, just <3 <3 <3 <3
Susan: I am loving the comments in this thread, gotta say. What is interesting to me is how everyone seems to have a story and I like how all these stories offer new insight. I’m glad you were able to find yourself out of something that can be so traumatic and terrible (and like you said, some wounds are still there). It’s good that we still care. It’s worth caring and talking about!
Dawn: that means a lot coming from you. :)
Emilia: Never apologize for leaving a long comment! Ever! I’m loving the comments that people are contributing to this thread. I think you’re right in a lot of places, popularity can be compartmentalized (if that’s the word I want to use). My own experiences were confined to my own clique for example–there were people on either side of us who didn’t care about our drama. But I also think that location/school size can play a role in influence levels because even though the people above us didn’t care about *us* we definitely cared about them. We had our Regina Georges and we all wanted to wear the same Tommy Hilifiger outfits (yeah, idk I guess that was cool back in the day heh). But you’re definitely right–girl aggression is something that occurs across the spectrum. I loved hearing your thoughts & the examples you shared!!! Thank you so much!! You are also amazing. :D
Min: :) Thank you for reading & commenting. Isn’t it strange how perspective shifts over time?! I find that fascinating. I wonder what my old friends would make of me and what they would make of what *I* made of them!
sruble: Thank you for reading and commenting (WP put this in spam! I almost didn’t catch it and I’m so glad I did). “It’s like there was just an aggression or anger that needed to come out, and it was a sort of Russian Roulette to see who would blow up at whom on what day. Or they’d notice the smallest thing, which was always something you were ashamed of, and just kill you with it.” <- YES. That is so well put. And it is amazing how close to the surface these past events remain, isn’t it? I think it’s awesome that you were able to play (or rather not play) the HS social scene on your own terms. That sounds like a healthy way to go about it.
A: !!! <3 :)
To the pinchfaced redhead girl in Grade Five who said this:
PFRHG- Do you like the band Kiss?
Me – Uh, no.
PFRHG- Well if you don’t like Kiss you can’t hang around with us.
ME – Uh, ok. Maybe I do like Kiss.
PFRHG – Bullshit you like Kiss. You can’t hang around with us.
I now say:
I NEVER liked Kiss. I was SCARED of Gene Simmons and his tongue and Paul Stanley and his nipple. But then again, I was ten. Pinchfaced redhead girl, I don’t remember your name but whenever I’m at a wedding or a party and someone trots out I Was Made For Lovin You (as they invariably do), I think of you and I wonder where you ended up.
Yours (without codpiece or chest-hair)
Simmone Howell
Simmone: NO WORDS. Only exclamation marks: !!!!! That was AWESOME.
Spam – ugh! Thanks for catching it Courtney! It explains why the comment didn’t show up waiting for moderation like it usually does.
It took me a while to get to the playing/non-playing on my own terms. Before that I was at the whim of the drama swirling around me. I wasn’t ever immune, even when I wasn’t playing. Wish I could say I never did/said anything to hurt anyone, but as I said in my earlier response, most of us played both sides at some point.
Simmone – Kiss – Ha! DH is a Kiss fan. I wasn’t, but I didn’t hate them either. I just didn’t listen to them. And they kind-of freaked me out too. Although now I’m not sure if they are more freaky with or without the makeup.
I read you post earlier, but didn’t comment because I never made it into the inner circle. From elementary school on through high school, I stood at the fringes wondering what life was like in there, thinking somehow it must be so much better the the quiet, insignificant life I seemed to lead.
In my twenties, raising a young family, I watched my own girls suffer similar experiences. I assured them that in adulthood, childhood bullying wouldn’t make much difference, that exclusion from the group often gave a person the freedom to find out who they are much sooner.
Reading you post brough tears to my eyes. I’d thought when I was young how much better life must be inside that circle. You confirmed what I’d figured out on my own–that life is what you make it, and being part of a clique is often worse than not.
Thanks for being so raw and honest with your post.
Thank you so much for sharing that. Isn’t it weird to look back on your teenage self and see SO MANY things that you were completely oblivious to at the time? Sometimes I really cringe at my high school self, but I have to remember that we always do the best we can at the time, despite our flaws. And at least we’ve evolved since then. Again, thanks for the insight.
Uh, strike a chord much? Wow, very honest post. Super interesting. Obviously this is a topic that has tons of ripple effect for nearly everyone. As someone who changed schools every year, and knew they would, I was terminally expendable, and at war with “the popular kids” for as long as I can remember. They are pretty much the same crowd in every single school, and do all the same kinds of things. The only way to take away their power is to pull the plug and not give a crap what anyone thinks– hello?– Parker.
I hope SGA is huge. You’re an awesome writer with an interesting perspective.
Wow I completely love your post.I have to say this is my last year in high school and I couldnt be happier.Im still in this environment where everything revolves on who you hang out with and what people think. All i am thinking is I can’t wait to get out of here.
sruble: eek! I will keep a super close eye on my spam from now on because I REFUSE to let it eat any comments from you! And I think you are right… most of us played both sides. There is a lot of power in recognizing that and wanting to change, though.
Linda: thank you so much for reading and for leaving such a thoughtful comment. I think one thing that all of the feedback here has illustrated is that those school years, they’re just tough–no matter how in or out you are. “… that exclusion from the group often gave a person the freedom to find out who they are much sooner.” <- that is so excellent.
Donna: It is VERY very weird, for sure. And I think you put it beautifully: “… but I have to remember that we always do the best we can at the time, despite our flaws.” Very true. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Sue: It does have a ripple effect! I really do have yet to meet a woman that doesn’t have a story. High school is wild in more ways than one. And aww, man. Thank you. We’ll see what happens with SGA, but ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
melissa: thank you for reading and commenting! high school is definitely hard, no doubt about it. hopefully the rest of the year goes by quick.
Hi Courtney!
This post was amazing. I love how you put it all out there for us, your readers/fans, to see. I’m always curious about the lives of the writers I love and what makes them write what they do. Thank you for sharing this with us!
(I wish I had the time to read through all the comments right now, but I’ll have to come back later.)
I think I found a way to use my Russian Roulette comment in my NaNo novel. So, your post inspired me to write a scene in my novel (tomorrow when I have a chance). Thanks!
BTW, not a mean girls novel or scene exactly. It’s a scene btwn sisters that don’t like each other. I never had a sister, but I had a brother, so I know that siblings can be all “mean girls” too.
It did it again. I think your spam filter hates me :(
Mel: Thank you so much for reading and commenting! It’s a little scary putting it all out there but the positive reception has been really heartening and the feedback has been something else. I’m glad you stopped by. :)
sruble: I caught it! I will keep an eye on it and mark my words, a comment from you will never be lost to the spam! :) I wonder what has caused it this time… hopefully it’ll learn that sruble comments = good. And eee!! That is awesome that you’re going to put the RR comment to good use… I have a sister and you’re definitely right about siblings. They can love and hate each other like no one else can. Intense bond. :)
Thanks for sharing, Courtney, and–I think it takes a lot of courage to delve back into that whole scenario and write about it. For me, 6-8th grades were the high point of evil girl meanness, and even all these years later, I find it incredibly painful to even think about, much less write about! (I moved after that, and maybe I got lucky, or maybe people were more mature by then, but in contrast to junior high, I had incredibly kind and friendly people in my high school. Which is good, since I COULD NOT have done that again.)
>One thing that constantly amazes me is how fresh that pain and humiliation feels after all these years in a way a lot of other, crappier experiences I’ve gone through just… don’t.<
I think this is because that's a time when you are forming your sense of self-identity, and that is precisely what girl bullying targets. Other things are challenges that you deal with. But the mean girl situation is a challenge to who you actually ARE.
I'm SO glad I never have to live that age again!!!
Thank you for commenting, Rose. :) And also for sharing. My 6-8th grades were ALSO total nightmares. It was such an intense time. I’m glad your high school experience was much more positive. And I totally agree with you that it’s such a fragile, vulnerable time–”But the mean girl situation is a challenge to who you actually ARE.” <- WELL SAID!
I purposely held off reading this until I’d read SGA… just in case it had anything spoiler-y (I won’t even read jacket copy, I’m a big obsessive like that).
And now I’m just wide-eyed and gape-mouthed b/c, as you know, that was my reading experience. I wanted to distance myself and say that these characters were Other Than Me… but I couldn’t. I found myself in All of them Michael to Kara, and that is a horribly frightening thought.
Keep writing these things, dearest C. Keep causing conversation. Keep causing change!
!!! Tiffany, you are like making my Sunday here. Thank you for getting SGA. I really, really, really mean that. And I also can’t tell you how you how much it means. <3
I had bullying experiences that bring up all the cringing and humiliation that, judging from the responses here, seem to be pretty common. I also had the mind for social climbing that seems to develop with puberty. But, I had one very memorable moment in 7th grade that, looking back on it, was a turning point for me. Someone stood up for me. I had worn the wrong kind of shoes and THAT girl felt the need to remind me of it all day long. One of the girls in my group, a girl who was there but I wasn’t close to or anything, whirled around and told her to stop acting like a bitch. I had never heard her swear before, let alone swear at a girl who had the power to make her miserable, which unfortunately she did after that. It’s funny, but before this moment it had never occurred to me this girl was just being a bitch, I had always thought there was something wrong with me. I wondered why I couldn’t make myself fit in and how I managed to make myself such a target. I thought it was my fault I wore the wrong shoes.
After that I could distance myself from the pettiness a little bit (never completely though) and see it for what it was. I understood it wasn’t always going to be like this and once we graduated, all strategizing and backstabbing those girls put all their time and energy into would mean nothing to anyone.
Now that I’m older, I’m so grateful for that moment and for my friend’s bravery because I have heard some truly horrible stories from women I’ve met about their own middle school and high school bullying that goes way beyond wearing the wrong kind of shoes. What makes us feel so insecure and powerless at that age that it makes us feel we need to destroy others just to protect ourselves?
Sorry for the long post, but you’ve hit on an issue that brings up a lot of thoughts and emotion. Thanks for your honesty and for sharing your experiences. Not to mention writing such a great book!
Hi Kelly, don’t apologize for the long post! Thank you so much for commenting (and sorry for my delay in approving the comment–it’s been so hectic and I don’t like to approve until I can reply) and for sharing your story. It can be amazing what can be the thing that changes our perspectives/attitudes about our situations. I’m glad someone stood up for you. :)
What makes us feel so insecure and powerless at that age that it makes us feel we need to destroy others just to protect ourselves?
I wish we could all figure it out!!
Thank you again for commenting!