Comments on: On Mean Girls & Writing Some Girls Are

By: courtney

courtney — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 03:29:05 +0000

Hi Kelly, don’t apologize for the long post! Thank you so much for commenting (and sorry for my delay in approving the comment–it’s been so hectic and I don’t like to approve until I can reply) and for sharing your story. It can be amazing what can be the thing that changes our perspectives/attitudes about our situations. I’m glad someone stood up for you. :)

What makes us feel so insecure and powerless at that age that it makes us feel we need to destroy others just to protect ourselves?
I wish we could all figure it out!!

Thank you again for commenting!

By: Kelly

Kelly — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 06:53:02 +0000

I had bullying experiences that bring up all the cringing and humiliation that, judging from the responses here, seem to be pretty common. I also had the mind for social climbing that seems to develop with puberty. But, I had one very memorable moment in 7th grade that, looking back on it, was a turning point for me. Someone stood up for me. I had worn the wrong kind of shoes and THAT girl felt the need to remind me of it all day long. One of the girls in my group, a girl who was there but I wasn’t close to or anything, whirled around and told her to stop acting like a bitch. I had never heard her swear before, let alone swear at a girl who had the power to make her miserable, which unfortunately she did after that. It’s funny, but before this moment it had never occurred to me this girl was just being a bitch, I had always thought there was something wrong with me. I wondered why I couldn’t make myself fit in and how I managed to make myself such a target. I thought it was my fault I wore the wrong shoes.

After that I could distance myself from the pettiness a little bit (never completely though) and see it for what it was. I understood it wasn’t always going to be like this and once we graduated, all strategizing and backstabbing those girls put all their time and energy into would mean nothing to anyone.

Now that I’m older, I’m so grateful for that moment and for my friend’s bravery because I have heard some truly horrible stories from women I’ve met about their own middle school and high school bullying that goes way beyond wearing the wrong kind of shoes. What makes us feel so insecure and powerless at that age that it makes us feel we need to destroy others just to protect ourselves?

Sorry for the long post, but you’ve hit on an issue that brings up a lot of thoughts and emotion. Thanks for your honesty and for sharing your experiences. Not to mention writing such a great book!

By: courtney

courtney — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:40:35 +0000

!!! Tiffany, you are like making my Sunday here. Thank you for getting SGA. I really, really, really mean that. And I also can’t tell you how you how much it means. <3

By: Tiffany Schmidt

Tiffany Schmidt — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:35:20 +0000

I purposely held off reading this until I’d read SGA… just in case it had anything spoiler-y (I won’t even read jacket copy, I’m a big obsessive like that).

And now I’m just wide-eyed and gape-mouthed b/c, as you know, that was my reading experience. I wanted to distance myself and say that these characters were Other Than Me… but I couldn’t. I found myself in All of them Michael to Kara, and that is a horribly frightening thought.

Keep writing these things, dearest C. Keep causing conversation. Keep causing change!

By: courtney

courtney — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:30:16 +0000

Thank you for commenting, Rose. :) And also for sharing. My 6-8th grades were ALSO total nightmares. It was such an intense time. I’m glad your high school experience was much more positive. And I totally agree with you that it’s such a fragile, vulnerable time–”But the mean girl situation is a challenge to who you actually ARE.” <- WELL SAID!

By: Rose

Rose — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 03:28:04 +0000

Thanks for sharing, Courtney, and–I think it takes a lot of courage to delve back into that whole scenario and write about it. For me, 6-8th grades were the high point of evil girl meanness, and even all these years later, I find it incredibly painful to even think about, much less write about! (I moved after that, and maybe I got lucky, or maybe people were more mature by then, but in contrast to junior high, I had incredibly kind and friendly people in my high school. Which is good, since I COULD NOT have done that again.)

>One thing that constantly amazes me is how fresh that pain and humiliation feels after all these years in a way a lot of other, crappier experiences I’ve gone through just… don’t.<

I think this is because that's a time when you are forming your sense of self-identity, and that is precisely what girl bullying targets. Other things are challenges that you deal with. But the mean girl situation is a challenge to who you actually ARE.

I'm SO glad I never have to live that age again!!!

By: courtney

courtney — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:38:35 +0000

Mel: Thank you so much for reading and commenting! It’s a little scary putting it all out there but the positive reception has been really heartening and the feedback has been something else. I’m glad you stopped by. :)

sruble: I caught it! I will keep an eye on it and mark my words, a comment from you will never be lost to the spam! :) I wonder what has caused it this time… hopefully it’ll learn that sruble comments = good. And eee!! That is awesome that you’re going to put the RR comment to good use… I have a sister and you’re definitely right about siblings. They can love and hate each other like no one else can. Intense bond. :)

By: sruble

sruble — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 05:27:38 +0000

It did it again. I think your spam filter hates me :(

By: sruble

sruble — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 05:26:17 +0000

I think I found a way to use my Russian Roulette comment in my NaNo novel. So, your post inspired me to write a scene in my novel (tomorrow when I have a chance). Thanks!

BTW, not a mean girls novel or scene exactly. It’s a scene btwn sisters that don’t like each other. I never had a sister, but I had a brother, so I know that siblings can be all “mean girls” too.

By: Mel

Mel — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 00:59:31 +0000

Hi Courtney!
This post was amazing. I love how you put it all out there for us, your readers/fans, to see. I’m always curious about the lives of the writers I love and what makes them write what they do. Thank you for sharing this with us!

(I wish I had the time to read through all the comments right now, but I’ll have to come back later.)